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geschrieben am: 25.02.2002 um 20:21 Uhr
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*kreischhhhhhh*
knockilein you become a decoration medal too ;-)
leute die witze werden immer besser ... wo habt ihr die nur immer her ... *lachts* |
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geschrieben am: 28.02.2002 um 03:12 Uhr
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A blonde went to a hair dresser's one day, listening to a walkman. The hair dresser asked her what she wanted, and the blonde replied, "I need to get my hair trimmed, just make sure that you do not take these headphones off." The woman looked at the blonde, surprised, but did as she was told. While she was brushing the blonde's hair, she accidentally bumped the headphones, knocking them to the ground. As she bent down to pick them up, the blonde fell over, onto the floor. The hair dresser was very confused. She picked up the head phones and listened. This is what she heard..."breath in...breath out...breath in...breath out..."!
wir wollen feeling ja nicht mit intelligenten blondinen verwöhnen feelingschwester verstrubbelt, nasenbusselt und weitersucht ..... |
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geschrieben am: 28.02.2002 um 03:12 Uhr
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Two blondes walking down the street. One reaches into her pocketbook for a make up compact and looks into the mirror. "This picture looks like someone I know" she says. The other one has a look and says, "Of course dummy, it's ME...."
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geschrieben am: 28.02.2002 um 03:12 Uhr
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A brunette says to a blonde "Look! A dead bird!" and the blonde looks up and says "Where?"
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geschrieben am: 28.02.2002 um 03:14 Uhr
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A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. So she went to a playground, grabbed a kid, and took him behind a tree. "I've kidnapped you!", said the blonde and then proceeded to write a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and place it under the pecan tree next to the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked under the tree and surely enough, a paper bad was sitting there. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
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geschrieben am: 28.02.2002 um 03:16 Uhr
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A blonde walks into a doctor's office. She gets in the room with the doctor and says, "Doc, I hurt all over." The doctor is really confused. He says, "What do you mean, you hurt all over?" The blonde says, "I'll show you."
She then touches herself on her leg. "OW!!! I hurt there." Then she touches her earlobe. "OW!!!!!! I hurt there too!" Then she touches her hair. "OW!!!!! EVEN MY HAIR HURTS!" So the doctor sits back and thinks on it for 5 min. Then he says, "Tell me, is blonde your natural hair color?" The blonde says "Yes, why?"
The doctor says, "Well, you got a broken finger..."
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geschrieben am: 28.02.2002 um 03:20 Uhr
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| A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50 the man is going to jump." The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50. The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then." "No, you have to take it," says the blonde. "I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again." |
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geschrieben am: 05.03.2002 um 22:29 Uhr
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I also give my mustard to that:
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have not been
to confession for six months. On top of that, I've
been with a loose woman."
The priest sighs. "Is that you, little Tommy O'Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father,' tis I." "And who might be the woman
you were with?"
"I shan't be tellin'you, Father. It would ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm bound to find out sooner or later,
so you may as well tell me now.
"Was it Brenda O'Malley?" "I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Fitzgerald?" "I'll never tell."
"Was it Lisa O'Shanter?" "I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."
"Was it Cathy O'Dell?" "My lips are sealed." "Was
it Fiona Mallory,then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast;
lad, Tommy O'Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But,
you've sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now.
Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides
over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Five more good leads!" says Tommy.
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geschrieben am: 06.03.2002 um 14:35 Uhr
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uiiiii ... lancer, wie lieb von dir. einen dollen  als dankeschön :-)
vielen herzlichen dank auch an alle die hier so fleissig mit sprüchen und witzen gepostet haben und noch posten werden.
als kleine belohnung hab ich nun mal was auf deutsch ;-)
Bios an Windows: "Los jetzt! Hochfahren!"
Windows an Bios: "Immer langsam mit den jungen Platinen."
Gerätemanager an Betriebssystem: "Ich hab da was Komisches auf dem Schirm."
Antwort von Windows: "Erst mal ignorieren."
Hardwareassistent an Windows: "Der User macht Druck. Ich soll das Ding identifizieren. Könnte eine ISDN-Karte sein."
Windows: "Na sowas."
Unbekannte ISDN-Karte an alle: "Würdet ihr mich bitte reinlassen?"
Netzwerkkarte an Eindringling: "Du kannst Dich hier nicht einfach breitmachen!"
Windows: "Ruhe im Gehäuse! Sonst entziehe ich beiden die Unterstützung!"
Gerätemanager: "Biete Kompromiss an. Die Netzwerkkarte darf immer montags mitmachen, die ISDN-Karte ist am Dienstag dran."
Grafikkarte an Windows: "Mein Treiber ist gestern in Rente gegangen. Ich stürze jetzt ab."
Windows an Grafikkarte: "Wann kommst Du wieder?"
Grafikkarte: "Na, erst mal nich."
CD-Rom-Laufwerk an Windows: "Äh, ich hätte hier einen neuen Treiber..."
Windows: "Was soll ich'n damit?!"
Installationssoftware an Windows: "Lass mal, ich mach' das schon."
Windows: "Das hört man gern."
USB-Anschluss an Interruptverwaltung: "Alarm! Wurde soeben von einem Scannerkabel penetriert. Erbitte Reaktion."
Interruptverwaltung: "Wo kommst Du auf einmal her?"
USB-Anschluss: "Ich war von Anfang an im Rechner. Neben mir sitzt übrigens noch ein Kollege."
Interruptverwaltung: "Ihr steht aber nicht auf meiner Liste." - an Windows: "Sag Du mal was."
Windows: "Hoffentlich taucht nicht noch ein Drucker auf."
Grafikkarte: "Der neue Treiber zuckt rum."
Windows: "Da müssen wir halt den alten aus dem Ruhestand holen."
Deinstallationsprogramm an neuen Treiber: "Scher dich fort."
Unerwünschter Treiber: "Du kannst mich mal."
Windows an Norton Utilities: "Killt ihn mitsamt seiner Brut!"
Utilities an Treiberreste: "Sorry, wir müssen euch löschen."
Wichtige Systemdatei: "Arrrrrrgghh!"
Windows an blauen Bildschirm: "Gib' durch, die Norton-Boys sind wieder mal übers Ziel hinaus geschossen."
Blauer Bildschirm an User: "So, Schluss."
Anmerkung von Feeling: Könnte mein PC sein ;-) |
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geschrieben am: 06.03.2002 um 16:38 Uhr
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mal ihr feelchen ganzargdolledurchknuddeln tuterz.. und schnell wegrenntz weil keine gedengeltz haben will weil den Beitrag zum knuddeln benutzt hat..;-)...
HDLS. Hexe |
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geschrieben am: 06.03.2002 um 20:57 Uhr
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*hellauf lachen muß* ... hexle du bist vielleicht ne süsse maus.
du kannst den beitrag ruhig zum knuddeln benutzen.
ich würde nur rummeckern wenn du reinkommst um mich zu verhauen und dicken knuddler für dich :-) |
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geschrieben am: 06.03.2002 um 22:11 Uhr
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Now I give some more mustard to that:
A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends
$5,000.00 and feels pretty good
about the results. On her way home she stops at a newsstand to buy
a paper.
Before leaving, she asks the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind
my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," the clerk replies.
"I'm actually 47," the woman says happily. A little while later,
she goes into McDonald's, and upon getting her order, asks the counter
girl the same question. She replies, "I'd guess about 29."
The woman replies, "Nope, I am 47." Now she is feeling really good
about herself.
While waiting for the bus home, she asks an old man the same
question. He replies, "I'm 78 and my eyesight is starting to go.
Although, when I was young, there was a> sure way to tell how old a
woman was, but it
requires you to let me put
my hands up your shirt and feel your boobs. Then I can tell
exactly how old you are." They
waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best
of the woman, and she finally
said, "What the hell, go ahead."
The old man slips both hands up her shirt, under her bra, and
begins to feel around. After a couple of minutes, she says, "Okay, okay,
how old am
I?"
He removes his hands and says, "You are 47." Stunned, the woman
says, "That is amazing! How did you know?"
The old man replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
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geschrieben am: 06.03.2002 um 23:09 Uhr
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| It is direct unhomely how many people here freewilly withmaken...:-) |
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geschrieben am: 07.03.2002 um 13:10 Uhr
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*freu*..ree das feelchen
..schlechtgelauntesHexle
Geändert am 07.03.2002 um 13:11 Uhr von Die_Hexerin |
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geschrieben am: 07.03.2002 um 13:58 Uhr
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ohjeh hexle was ist denn schief gegangen?
hexle mal liebevoll umärmelt und in ihr ohr flüstert:
kopf hoch kleine hexe ... nix wird so heiss gegessen wie es gekocht wird ;-)
Geändert am 07.03.2002 um 14:00 Uhr von Feeling |
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geschrieben am: 07.03.2002 um 14:03 Uhr
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das will ich hier nich unbedingt sagen, es handelt sich um einen blöden mann..*dasfeelchenganzfestedrückertz*
TraurigesHexle |
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geschrieben am: 07.03.2002 um 16:51 Uhr
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ach du lieber himmel ... hexle, schick ihn dahin wo der pfeffer wächst. viele mamis haben haben nette söhne, da läuft mit sicherheit irgendwo einer rum, der lieb zu dir ist (augen offenhalten, die sind gar nicht so leicht zu finden).
ich weiss, ist eigentlich ein blöder spruch, aber er ist wahr. ;-) |
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geschrieben am: 07.03.2002 um 19:33 Uhr
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wenn das sooooooo leicht wär, wärs schön..*g*
Ich halt mal ausschau, süße..*gg*!!
Hexle |
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geschrieben am: 10.03.2002 um 15:09 Uhr
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... soderle, erst mal das feelingschwesterchen verstruppelt (wieso hast du auf einmal so verknotete haare ?) und dann noch was für sie hinterläßt ...
(zitat)Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.(/zitat)
Ja, ja, Gleichberechtigung für alle ....
BruderDarius |
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geschrieben am: 10.03.2002 um 15:10 Uhr
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... und den noch
(zitat)Why wasn't Jesus born in Bavaria ? Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin!(/zitat)
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geschrieben am: 10.03.2002 um 21:24 Uhr
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hab auch noch nen süssen ... *grinselts*
brüderchen mal noch gschwind verstrubbelts und selber ans haare abschneiden denkt ... da wächst tatsächlich alles wie kraut und rüben ... und ist verbogen ... ;-)
A wife arrived home from a shopping trip and was shocked
to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just
as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband
called out "Perhaps you should hear how all this came about..."
"I was driving home on the highway when I saw this young
woman looking tired and bedraggled. I brought her home
and made her a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten
about in the fridge.
She was barefooted so I gave her your good sandals,
which you had discarded because they had gone out of style.
She was cold so I gave her the sweater, which I bought for
you for your birthday but you never wore because the color
didn't suit you.
Her pants were torn, so I gave her a pair of your jeans,
which were perfectly good, but too small for you now. Then
just as she was about to leave, she asked, "Is there anything
else your wife doesn't use any more?" |
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geschrieben am: 13.03.2002 um 08:19 Uhr
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*huhuuuu ... hallo knockylein ... guck ich hab auch noch welche ;-)
A woman who had been out of town all week was greeted by her little son who said, "Mommy, guess what? Yesterday I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the lady next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and then Daddy got on top of her and Â…"
Mom held up her hand and said, "not another word! Wait until your father gets home and then I wnt you to tell him exactly what you've just told me."
The father comes home and the wife tells him she's leaving him. "But why?" croaks the husband.
"Go ahead, Junior, tell Daddy just what you told me."
"Well," said the little boy, "I was playing in your closet and Daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and the got into bed and Daddy got on top of her and they did just what you did, Mommy, with uncle John when Daddy was away last summer!" ;-)
*grinselts* ... tja so kann es gehen |
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geschrieben am: 13.03.2002 um 08:21 Uhr
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Who enjoys sex more, the man or the woman?
The woman, of course. Look at it this way. When your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, what feels better - your finger or your ear? :-)
Na, was hättet ihr geantwortet?
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geschrieben am: 13.03.2002 um 08:23 Uhr
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Mein momentaner Lieblingswitz:
Sister Margaret died and by mistake she wound up in hell instead of heaven.
She called St. Peter and told him what had happened and St. Peter said he would straighten it out. The next day, however, the good sister was still with the sinners.
St. Peter received a second call from a panicky sister Margaret. "You've got to help me!" she cried.
"There's an orgy planned for first thing tomorrow morning!"
St. Peter promised to correct the mistake, but the next day he forgot all about it.
About noon he received another call, "Hey Pete! This is Maggie. Forget about the transfer!" :-)
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geschrieben am: 13.03.2002 um 19:34 Uhr
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Was ist den dieser KingUwe für ein Trottel? Ob er wohl im REAL-Life zu wenig Aufmerksamkeit bekommt und mit aller Gewalt versucht sie hier zu bekommen?
Ach ist ja auch egal .. ich lese seine endlos kopierten Beiträge eh nicht. ;-)
Hier noch einen neuen Witz:
The elderly couple were watching the preacher on TV when he shouted, "God wnts to heal you! Stand up now and put
your hand on the T.V. and your other hand on the afflicted part of your body and you will be healed!"
The woman rose to her feet and put one hand on the T.V. and her other on her arthritic leg. Her husband got up and did the same except he put his hand on his privates. When his wife saw him she said,
"The preacher said God would heal the sick, not raise the dead!"
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als dankeschön :-)
