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geschrieben am: 15.03.2002 um 08:33 Uhr
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hab noch was nettes gefunden ... ;-)
A little girl asked her mother "Where did I come from?" Her mom was caught off guard but thought it was probably time for this talk anyway. They sat down in the living room and the mother goes to great lengths to explain the birds and the bees. She gives a graphic description of human intercourse, creation, and right up through birth. Exhausted, she asks her daughter, "Do you understand now?"
"Not really," says her little girl. "Mandy says she came from Michigan, but you haven't told me where I came from yet."
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geschrieben am: 15.03.2002 um 08:35 Uhr
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und gleich noch einen ...
As Joe got Megan into bed he told her, "Don't worry, I'll be gentle."
"I wouldn't worry about that if I were you," Megan said as she looked him over. "How much damage could you do with that?" :-)
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geschrieben am: 15.03.2002 um 15:21 Uhr
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That comes not so goot.
(Zitat aus einer Englisch-Klausur :-( |
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geschrieben am: 16.03.2002 um 21:01 Uhr
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*umärmelt mal alle die hier noch mitschreiben .. oder mitlesen 
An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. He wanted
to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His
only son, who would have helped him, was in Long Kesh
Prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament. Shortly, he received this reply, "For HEAVEN'S
SAKE Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!"
At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers
showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.
Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son
telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Now plant your potatoes, Dad."
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geschrieben am: 16.03.2002 um 22:05 Uhr
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Hab den Witz, der ursprünglich hier stand rausgenommen.
Er war doch etwas geschmacklos ... ;-)
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. So she went to a
playground, grabbed a kid, and took him behind a tree. "I've kidnapped you!", said the blonde and then proceeded to write a note
saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and place it under the pecan tree next to the
playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked under the tree and surely enough, a paper bad was sitting there. The Blonde opened the
bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
A brunette says to a blonde "Look! A dead bird!" and the blonde looks up and says "Where?"
Geändert am 19.03.2002 um 21:47 Uhr von Feeling |
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geschrieben am: 16.03.2002 um 22:24 Uhr
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aus nem Lied:
"There was an horse, was went to the mill when he went he stand not still"
(Da war ein Pferd, das zu der Mühle ging, wenn er ging blieb er nicht stehen)
logisch oder??*lachtz*
DatHexle
Geändert am 16.03.2002 um 22:26 Uhr von Die_Hexerin |
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geschrieben am: 17.03.2002 um 07:36 Uhr
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klar schwester feeling, wir lesen noch mit ...
(rein brüderlich das feeling knubbelt und verstrubbelt)
Why computers are definitely MALE
Ten reasons, in reverse order:
10) you never see one working in the kitchen
9) behind their impressive facade there's just a lot of hot air
8) they can't do anything unless you show them how
7) the more you ask them to do, the slower they work
6) if you leave them alone for a short while, they go to sleep
5) they have to be prompted to flush before exit
4) they're OK until you REALLY need them, then they let you down
3) when things go wrong, they just sit there looking blank
2) they get switched on every single morning
1) they do all their thinking with a component that measures about two inches |
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geschrieben am: 29.03.2002 um 11:03 Uhr
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Den netten Thread mal wieder nach oben holt :-)
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the
British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The
Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
the British or Americans. Of course, the Italians drink excessive
amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or
Americans. So, eat and drink what you like - it's speaking English that
kills you.
Question: Do you also speak English?? |
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geschrieben am: 29.03.2002 um 22:27 Uhr
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Lancer mal ein ganz doll liebes Küsschen geb ;-)
...Öhhmmm Lancer ... ich kann kein Englisch :-)
somit keine Gefahr zwecks Herzinfarkt *schmunzelts*
We're Not Getting Old - Everybody Else is!
While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate.
After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school.
"Yes," he replied.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1960."
"Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"
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geschrieben am: 30.03.2002 um 04:42 Uhr
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*lol schwesterchen*
A man walks into a bar, sits down on a bench and orders a cold one. He swigs down the beer, looks in his pocket, cringes and orders another. He gulps down that one, looks in his pocket again, cringes and orders yet another one. This goes on for at least an hour and a half.
Finally the bartender, bursting with curiousity, says, "I know it's none of my business buddy, but I have to ask. Why the whole "drink, look in pocket, cringe and order another one" routine?"
"Well," slurred the man, "There's a picture of my wife in my pocket. When she starts to look good, then it's time for me to go home." |
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geschrieben am: 04.04.2002 um 21:49 Uhr
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I know another one:
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
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geschrieben am: 07.04.2002 um 21:55 Uhr
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huhuuuuu ... hab noch was gefunden ...
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port.
and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort,
and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk
abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the
trash and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash !
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
thats repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
cuz sure as I'm a poet, this bugger's gonna hang.
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk
and the macro code instructions cause unnecessary risk
then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to
RAM your ROM, Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your
Mom.
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geschrieben am: 10.04.2002 um 15:01 Uhr
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A little old couple walked slowly into McDonalds one cold winter evening.
They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers
looked admiringly at them.
You could tell what the admirers were thinking.
"Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"
The little old man walked right up to the cash register,
placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal.
The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray. There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink.
The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife.
Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set
the cup down between them. As the man began to eat his few bites of hamburger the crowd began to get restless. Again you could tell what they were thinking. "That poor old couple, all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."
As the man began to eat his French fries one young man stood
and came over to the old couples' table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple to eat.
The old man replied that they were just fine.
They were used to sharing everything. Then the crowd noticed
that the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns
sipping the drink. Again the young man came over and begged
them to let him buy them something to eat.
This time the lady explained that no, they were used to
sharing everything together.
As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his
face neatly with a napkin the young man could stand it no longer.
Again he came over to their table and offered to buy some food.
After being politely refused again he finally asked a question of the little old lady.
"Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything.
What is it that you are waiting for?" She answered...
"The Teeth." |
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geschrieben am: 13.04.2002 um 16:01 Uhr
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geschrieben am: 13.04.2002 um 17:19 Uhr
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geschrieben am: 13.04.2002 um 18:16 Uhr
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hmmm...
make it good! Mach's gut!(bei der verabscheidung!) |
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geschrieben am: 26.04.2002 um 09:17 Uhr
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mal wieder ein witzchen gefunden hab ... ;-)
Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window
seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney
got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians.
The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in
when the physician in the window seat said," I think I'll get up and get
a coke."
"No problem," said the attorney, "I'll get it for you."
While he was gone, one of the physicians picked up the attorney's shoe
and spat in it.
When he returned with the coke, the other physician said, "That looks
good, I think I'll have one too."
Again, the attorney obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone,
the other physician picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The
attorney returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the
plane was landing, the attorney slipped his feet into his shoes and knew
immediately what had happened.
"How long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our
professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and
peeing in cokes?"
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geschrieben am: 26.04.2002 um 09:21 Uhr
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*YouŽve got bats in the bellfry*
Du hast nicht alle Tassen im Schrank...ggg
How up you high knee
(Hau) (ab) (du) (hei) (ni)
*busserlt mal den stern dafür..gg* |
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geschrieben am: 09.05.2002 um 14:46 Uhr
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Old Fred's hospital bed is surrounded by well-wishers, but it doesn't
look
good. Suddenly, he motions frantically to the pastor for something to write
on. The pastor lovingly hands him a pen and a piece of paper, and Fred uses
his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then dies.
The pastor thinks it best not to look at the note right away, so he
places
it in his jacket pocket.
At Fred's funeral, as the pastor is finishing his eulogy, he realizes
he's
wearing the jacket he was wearing when Fred died.
"Fred handed me a note just before he died," he says.
"I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of
inspiration in it for us all."
Opening the note, he reads aloud,
"Help! You're standing on my oxygen tube!"
______________________ |
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geschrieben am: 17.05.2002 um 16:43 Uhr
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*lacht* .. ich mag eure witze ... bitte schreibt doch noch mehr rein ... ich hab auch noch einen gefunden ... vielleicht nicht ganz so gut ... aber das gesicht von dem fotofritzen hätte ich gern gesehen ;-)
The photographer for a national magazine was assigned
> to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the
> scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he
> frantically called his home office to hire a
> plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he
> was assured by his editor.
> As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure
> enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He
> jumped in with his equipment and yelled,
> "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into
> the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the
> north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and
> make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked
> the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a
> photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said
> the photographer with great exasperation. After a long
> pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not
> the instructor?" |
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geschrieben am: 18.05.2002 um 21:54 Uhr
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Sherlock Holmes and Mr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal
and a bottle of wine they lay down in their tent for the night and went
to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend
awake.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned.
Watson pondered for a minute "Astronomically, it tells me that there
are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe Saturn is in Leo. Logically, I deduce that the
time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see
that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow".
"Is that all?" Holmes asked.
"Yes." Watson replied. "Why, am I missing something?"
Holmes was quiet for a moment, then spoke: "Watson, you dickhead.
Someone has stolen the fucking tent." ;-) |
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geschrieben am: 20.05.2002 um 18:32 Uhr
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so ihr lieben, ich denke es ist an der zeit diesen thread einschlafen zu lassen.
zum abschluss noch nen blondinenwitz;
BLONDE MILLIONAIRE
A blonde named Barbara appeared on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left. The next question will give you the million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"
Barbara: "Sure I'll have a go."
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?
Is it...
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush
"Remember, Barbara, it's worth 1 million dollars."
Barbara: "It's a cuckoo."
Regis: "You're sure? You can walk with the $500,000 or play on for the million."
Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C - Cuckoo."
Regis: "Is that your final answer?"
Barbara: "It is."
Regis: "Are you confident?"
Barbara: "Absolutely!"
Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C -Cuckoo.
Well....you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS! Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler.
Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."
That night Barbara calls her friend Carol and they go to a local bar for a celebration drink. As they are sipping their champagne Carol turns to Barbara and asks, "Tell me, how did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build its own nest?"
"It was so simple," Barbara replied, "everybody knows that cuckoos live in clocks."
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geschrieben am: 13.06.2002 um 14:30 Uhr
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kam schpn das wörtchen:
motherfucker ?? ;P |
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geschrieben am: 13.06.2002 um 15:13 Uhr
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ich hoffe das war noch nich, meine freundin hat heut im englischunterricht ma wieder blödsinn gelabert, un zwar sagte sie zu ihrem vordermann, der sich zu und umgedreht hat:
Put you around!
*grins* |
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geschrieben am: 12.07.2002 um 11:21 Uhr
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nelly mit hot in herre meint ingtlich es geht heiß her in ihr
[Splatterman][Der die gurken entgurken wird][Einsam][He-man][Anti stadt kind][Paul]shaft
Ist das nich ein schöner Tag, Liebspärchen, niedliche Tiere und ein paar wandelnde Tode .... |
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